We ignore clear signs of abuse and manipulations in a relationship, consider them as momentary glitches and part and parcel of a long-term relationship. However, what we fail to realize is that not everything comes as a package with a relationship and abuse is surely not a benchmark for a durable relationship. With time, the early menacing signs of an abusive relationship start to reveal and expand with intensity, and we set ourselves on a path filled with pain and grieve. An emotionally abusive relationship has a pattern of controlling behavior. An isolated or sporadic incident does not mean a relationship is abusive; similarly, one controlling behavior regularly exhibited by your partner is not necessarily emotional abuse. (Though it may drive you mad.)
Here are some major signs of abuse in a relationship-
Your Partner belittles you
Abuse is a phenomenon that expresses itself via different manifestations. One of the most common manifestation is systematic ‘’belittling’’. It impacts you so badly that you begin to demean yourself as an insignificant entity. Belittling involves contempt to your choice and behavior that reflects consistent effort to demean you.
Abusers criticize their partner for no apparent reason. At times, you believe that you have a superior argument and sound logical base, but your partner surpasses the logic and tries to win an argument by being outrageously dismissive, and doesn’t cares what your apprehensions are, and discharges you unforgivingly.
Puts you down
All of us get excited about special events in our lives, and we want to share that excitement with people we love, but what if partner consistently tries to put you down when you expect positivity from him? Surely, this is emotional abuse that is unforgiving.
Respect forms the base for a successful relationship. Once there is respect for partner’s views and likings, other issues get sorted out automatically. However, this won’t happen in an abusive relationship. An Abuser will try to undermine you for unknown reasons. From my personal experience, such people wants to annihilate you to show up as a strong individual. In worst case scenario, insults can even lead to physical threat and abuse.
Threatens to suicide
Does your partner threaten to end his life if you didn’t talk to them? Does he abuses you and then takes control again by swearing to suicide? Understand that these are the signs of abuse and you must decide to exit to make your life better. Eventually, it is your life and your responsibility to make it better. Isn’t it?
Calls you by names
Does your partner associates names with you that you don’t like? Are they names mainly linked to inanimate objects and other non-human species? Does he/she abuses you and demeans your family and relatives?
Other characteristics of an abusive relationship include negative commentary about your dressing while knowing that you would be upset by that. Always compares you with their past partners, and tries to deliberately draw pleasure out of that?
Takes the lead to comment when the question is directed at both of you?
Decides what should be there in the house and how to manage the invitations from people and prevents you from spending time with your friends and family members?
Attempts to change your hobbies and questions you when you are away from them and the tagline of the questions is mainly where? Why? With whom?
They also justify their apprehensiveness by saying that they feel insecure and alone or misses you during the duration you spend time with others. Also, they might say that they want to spend each and every minute of their life with you.
OBSERVE the way you feel and act around your partner.
– Do you always make compromises to slur the heat down and let your partner win the arguments? You notice that you are not yourself around your partner and have to behave in a particular manner to please. Your partner always asks to stop being friend with people he does not like, and you always oblige. Do you break commitment for the sake of your spouse? And you don’t tell your partner when you don’t agree with them because you don’t want to start a new debate on something.
These are some of the major signs of an effectively abusive relationship. If your relationship shows signs mentioned above, it is time to decide and move ahead.
If you have any question or suggestion, you can ask me in the comment section!